Widow to widow

 If I could have a quick coffee with Mrs. Charlie Kirk. I’d give her a hug upon meeting, a stranger to another, but really a sister in Christ to another. A sister understanding a loss most do not understand. While embracing I bet we’d both start crying -because the pain and rawness for her is palpable and yet for me-not a still palpable but so felt and remembered. I’d first ask her about her children, because that’s what mamas do, worry about the children. Then I’d ask how she really was, how God is showing up because I know He is in big and small ways. I’d ask her about the peace she’s finding, because of the confidence in knowing where Charlie is and WHO he is with. 

I’d tell her that I’m praying that any visuals or horrible images are already removed from her and her children’s minds. I’d tell her to pray that God will allow sweet memories to be stored up in her children’s minds so they can recollect later of their daddy. I’d reassure her that those prayers for me have been answered. 

By this time I’d hope she’d be comfortable enough with an almost stranger to talk about Charlie and what he meant to her. She’d be gushing the way I’ve seen her gush in her photos and reels of him and her children. I imagine that she’d talk passionately about how he loved God, her, their kids, and his country. She’d tell me their love story and I’d be gushing by now too. 

I think these memories would bring on some righteous anger for her and the big question of why?! I’d remind her that’s it’s ok to ask the whys -why him, why this way, why her, why her children. I’d remind her to someday turn the whys into what for. What is she suppose to do with this, this story, his legacy. I’d remind her that’s she’s in a place to use his legacy, his passion to further the Kingdom of God. I’d remind her that’s she’s the one to remind her children of the good, the hard work that their daddy was able to accomplish in his short time here. I’d tell her that’s she’s one of the blessed ones that is able tell them that their daddy did exactly what Christ asked of His followers-to pick up his cross and follow Christ! He did it. I’d remind her to carry on his great work with the same passion. 

I’d smile through tears because I can hear myself in her words when she says, “He was just getting started. Didn’t God see it, couldn’t he have done more here instead of in his death?” I’d be able to say the same wise words that were said to me, “His life and legacy will be remembered through you, your kids and all that love him. The knowledge that this, as tragic as it is, was allowed by our loving, all-knowing Father and is going to require much faith. Faith you didn’t know you had until now, trusting  He sees way more than we can. The peace you can find in knowing and realizing that God couldn’t fathom another moment without Charlie in His presence can bring joy and even make you smile. Knowing that God calls home the mightiest in the faith because He is preparing for something so big that He wants those that are willing and able to ready eternity for those still enduring this world. Knowing men and women of the faith are sometimes protected from the ugliness of this world by dying-brings comfort somehow.” I’d reassure her that these words and thoughts have carried me through many days. 

I’d then grab her hand while she tries to grasp all that I just said. While her heart and mind fight to know Gods way is always good-even in the rawness and breath taking grief. 

Id remind her that the nights will continue to be long and almost unbearable-but that God is ALWAYS near. He shows up in tiny hands that longs, as she does, for his strong hands, through family and friends that most of the time don’t even know they are being His hands and feet. I’ll tell her that He shows up in God winks that only she will recognize. 

I’d remind her that her work on earth is just getting started and her biggest ministry is those 2 children and He has equipped her to carry on and He will give her strength and wisdom and provision. I’d remind her that God has a heart for so much but widows and the fatherless are extremely high on His list. 

I’d wrap it up with another hug-this time it wouldn’t be a stranger embracing a stranger-it would be one widow hugging with understanding of another widow-there’s just something about knowing the pain, the peace, and the sweet assurance that God chose the men we love to come home to connect you. 

I’d say goodbye with a tearful nod and a “you’ve got this, cause our great God has you.” 

Then I’d walk away whispering “Charlie, well done good and faithful servant, she’ and those babies are going to be just fine.” 

I’d say a prayer of gratitude that I’m able to understand grief, peace and the fact that Heaven is getting crowded and the assurance that this isn’t my home. I’d end my prayer with thank you God for being so so good…even in this.