Lost Letters

 If you know our story then you know about the “lost letters.” Letters Shane drafted, before he passed, for the kids. We literally were drafting these letters just days before he was called home. His strength was fading so I wrote what he wanted to say for each milestone birthday or event. I remember feeling like there was an urgency, that we were running out of time…we were. A friend of ours had actually brought over a recorder for him to speak into but he was just too weak and refused. One time I wished I hadn’t listened to him. I have the recorder. I remember we did 13th, 16th, 18th Birthdays, high school graduation, college, marriage. And that’s about all we could cover for 3 kids. He was very intentional in what all he wanted mentioned. They were short and sweet and again quiet urgent. I think we completed them in maybe a day or 2 in between sleeping and administering meds. Five short months did not allow for much planning and we believed we were getting a miracle so thought the letters would be something we’d not really need. The miracle we desired didn’t come and the letters were stashed away in a basket in our bedroom. Survival happened and before I knew it…Jake was turning 13. I remembered the letters and well, couldn’t find them. I was frantic, had my peeps come help search-Laura, Trace, Mom…they came and we turned the house upside down to find those letters. And sadly, I never found them…hence the title of the newest DeAnn blog. I’ve said before-I blog for me and my kiddos and thankfully sometimes something I write about resonates with 1 or 2 so I share them. I stopped writing for a bit -out of respect of the relationship I was in. Hard to express yourself when it’s not received well. My thoughts have been scattered for a bit, kiddos becoming adults, me getting older, failed relationships and well life-so feel like my thoughts have been a little lost too. I’m finding writing is healing again, so here is the first entry to Lost Letters and Thoughts. 

Since Molly is just days away from graduating high school I thought about what Shane’s letter may have said. What advice he would’ve given. I’m sure it was full of how proud he was of her as he would’ve been of Jake and Sam. The one thing he made sure I knew was important to him was for them all to get their education. Two outta three complete-hallelujah. Mollys on the edge of adulthood and I know he’d have some sage advice. But the letters are lost and she’s got me so here’s just a few of the things I’ve learned over the years to share with her(and anyone else entering this next season)-

•Stay true to you. Never let anyone or anything steer you off course of what you and God have got going on. You will encounter many that want to knock your feet out from under you. So called friends, lovers, and even those that are “doing the Lords work” will be used by the enemy and entice you question your worth, values, and all the good you stand for. Stand strong. 

•Your daddy would’ve said “choose something you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.” I concur. Choose something your passionate about, something that brings you joy and something that you can smile about doing. Yep, there will still be days you dread getting up, going, and it’ll probs get mundane sometimes…but if you’re passionate about it…there will always be a desire to go. So choose something and make a difference. 

•Girls-choose something that can sustain you. This may sound horrible but a man is not your life boat. He can die, he can cheat he can choose to leave. So make sure you can make it without him. If not -INSIST on life insurance!!! I said what I said!!! 

•Never ever lose your worth. You are worthy of so so much. God says so. It only matters what He says about you. Never let social media, a person, or a relationship make you think less of yourself-because of how you think, look, or if your standards are different of what they expect of you. Your worth is from God and NOTHING else. Not who you date, marry, birth-or what you do or make…Your worth is from HIM!!! 

•Keep your circle of friends small. Find some friends that are loyal and will speak truth to you and will always have your back. Find friends that will hold your hand when you are happy, sad, and lost. Make sure you find friends that will pray when they say they will pray. 

•For the love of all things holy…BE REAL. There’s so much fake in the world just be different and be real and authentic. Be transparent, be vulnerable, stand out because you are real and not flipping fake. Anyone can be fake, it takes a person that’s confident and true to themselves to be REAL.

•never discount your intuition, gut-feeling. That “feeling” is the Holy Spirit guiding you. Always listen to it and take heed. When you get a bad feeling about someone or something-it’s usually because God is giving you that feeling for a reason. Listen and RUN!!!  By listening and running it can save you lots of trouble, heartache and time. Speaking from experience here. 

•Last but definitely not least. Love God with your whole heart, soul and mind. If you haven’t started having a real relationship with HIM…start now. That looks like prayer, reading HIS Word. Relationship is so so different than just saying I believe in Jesus. You gotta know Him. You have to seek Him, and you have to know how to hear Him. This relationship is the most IMPORTANT relationship you will ever have in your life-over even the man of your dreams. And if the man of your dreams ain’t chasing Jesus authentically (not for just show or to get your attention) then he ain’t the man of your dreams. . Again…I said what I said!!! 

I could keep listing so much of the things I’ve learned these are just the top!! I have to add to always make good choices, think before acting, speaking. And to my girl…never ever lose that smile and the joy that is the reason for that smile. 

I’m so super proud of you, proud of your steadfastness, determination and how you never cease to amaze me with your wisdom, character, and the ability to make me laugh.

As you asked me-“aren’t you glad you broke the stereotype?” Molls…always break the stereotype, always! 

Sorry about the Lost Letters -maybe this outlet can be a substitute and maybe they will show up!